A few years ago, I felt trapped in a toxic, abusive dynamic that I could not see my way out of. I was afraid that my life would never change.

I blamed myself for allowing it to get so bad.

The shame spiral was so strong.

Then my therapist said the very first thing I needed to do was create space to breathe, think, connect—for a few minutes, hours, or days. Being powerfully motivated, I followed directions and started creating physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual distance from the relationship. Today, I skillfully guide women every day as they navigate the terrifying chasm between relationship trauma and emotional freedom.

Last month I was playing soccer and I was in absolute awe as I watched one of the players on the other team dominate our defense like a wizard. It was like the ball was glued to his feet as he slipped effortlessly through the defenders like a sneaky snake and easily scored a goal. The thing I noticed he did so skillfully was creating space between himself and the defense by pulling the ball back, to the side, and forward.

The next day, I was on a call with a client who was really going through it and needed to create space urgently as the abuse, crazy-making, and chaos in her home was increasing in frequency and intensity. I shared the image of the soccer player with her, and it really started to sink in.

She took a few days away to disengage from the environment, breathe, and reconnect with herself. It was scary for her to do. The fear, guilt, and shame were so strong, but she knew it was a critical step she had to take.

When she returned, so did the chaos, but she had felt the feeling of safety and knew it was crucial to her transformation. So she took more mini breaks, made time for our calls, and reconnected with her power. She finally broke out of the fear loop to take the big action she needed.

Now she has space!

Her home, body, and family are safe spaces for deeper healing. The resources she couldn't see before are all being revealed to her. They were hidden from her awareness when she was stuck in survival mode. The exact moment she took action from her safe space, her next steps were revealed.

Creating Space to Heal: Moving from Survival to Creativity

When you're healing from codependence and relationship trauma, one of the most powerful yet overlooked tools is simply creating space for yourself. This space—physical, emotional, and mental—becomes the foundation upon which all healing can begin.

The Power of Creating Space

Just like the soccer player on the field. As defenders close in, threatening to take control, what does he do? He doesn't panic or freeze. Instead, he pulls the ball back, shifts to the side, and creates space and time to see the entire field. This simple move changes everything. With that space and time, he can look up, see his options, spot his teammates, and identify opportunities to move forward or even score.

This is exactly what we need when healing from relationship trauma and codependence.

When we're constantly surrounded by chaos, confusion, and potentially abuse, our nervous system remains locked in survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze. In this state:

Our brain focuses only on immediate threats
Creative thinking and problem-solving are biologically shut down
We can only react, not respond thoughtfully
We cannot access our intuition or deeper wisdom

What Creating Space Looks Like

Creating space doesn't necessarily mean leaving permanently (though sometimes that is necessary). It can look like:

Taking a 30-minute walk alone each day
Finding a quiet corner in your home that's just yours
Spending a weekend with a supportive friend
Taking a short solo trip
Setting a boundary around having uninterrupted time each day
Physically separating yourself from a harmful environment, even temporarily

Even small pockets of space can begin to work wonders for your healing.

What Happens When You Create Space

When you create this protective bubble around yourself, even for brief periods, something remarkable begins to happen:

Your nervous system begins to regulate. Your body realizes, "I am safe right now," and begins to shift out of survival mode.
Your breathing deepens. As tension releases, you literally take in more oxygen, fueling clearer thinking.
Your perspective widens. Like our soccer player looking up to see the whole field, you begin to see more options than were visible when you were under constant pressure.
You shift from problem-frequency to solution-frequency. When your brain moves out of survival mode, it can access the creative, intuitive parts that see possibilities rather than just threats. You see the goal on the other side of the defenders.
You become receptive instead of reactive. In this space, you can now receive—insights, guidance, support, and the resources you need for the next step forward.

Making Space Non-Negotiable

For those healing from codependence, making space for yourself often feels uncomfortable or even "selfish" at first. You may be conditioned to believe that constantly attending to others while neglecting yourself is normal or necessary.

But like our soccer player, this strategic creation of space isn't selfish—it's essential. Without it, you remain trapped in a game of constant defense, never able to move forward with purpose and vision.

Beginning Your Practice

Start small. Can you create five minutes of complete space for yourself today? Can you find a quiet corner, step outside, sit in your car, or even lock the bathroom door to give yourself a moment to breathe?

In that space, focus only on your breathing. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice the sensations in your body without judgment.

With practice, these small spaces will grow. Your nervous system will remember how to be calm. Your mind will remember how to be clear. Your heart will remember how to hope.

And gradually, you'll move from merely surviving to truly creating the life you deserve—one where you're not just passing the ball away in panic, but skillfully moving toward your goals with awareness and intention.

Creating space isn't just a nice idea—it's the essential first step that makes all other healing possible.

The Power Play Many Miss On Their Healing Journey… Creating Space